Saturday Morning Thoughts

It's Saturday morning, yesterday was a bit rough. Before I opened my eyes this morning I heard it. It was "pissing rain". I kept my eyes closed somehow I managed to find a spot on my pillow that still smelled like Paul. For a second I felt like I was back in Ireland with him. It didn't last long...I realized the warm embrace was not there. shortly after that Mindy chimed in with a hello! Reality, I'm still here...in Baltimore. But my heart and thoughts are thousands of miles away. I got up made some coffee and put on David Gray. So now I'm sitting here drinking my coffee, black (yes love I've started drinking it black). Stitch and Fluffy have joined me.

So many thoughts on my mind. This past year has been an incredible roller coaster ride. I was practically engaged to someone, but my heart and feelings for another yanked me away no questions asked and I found a happiness unlike I had ever felt before. He makes me smile, laugh, and sometimes cry. Thursday March 30 th at 10:30 a.m. I had to do one of the hardest things I'd ever have to do. I dropped him off at BWI airport with a one way ticket to Ireland. 3-6 months holiday. I finally get someone in my life I feel completes me and now I have to watch him go. My heart physically aches. Someone hit the nail on the head saying I had a big surgery and half of my heart was removed. What lies ahead...not to sure really. 43 days till I see him again. France this time. His happy place, where he wants to end up.

I'm ok...it's been hard. A couple of breakdowns, mostly at night when I'm all alone. This past week has been filled with international text messages. At $.20 each my phone bill is going to be outrageous but I don't really care. Just knowing wherever he is he is thinking of me makes me feel better. I miss him so much. It's going to be ok, the funny feeling I get in my heart every time I think about him has to mean something. The best thing to happen to me. So until France my heart will continue to ache. Ache for it's other half that lies thousands of miles away. What lies ahead...don't know? France...43 days....