What makes me smile through the pain?

Fuzzbutts in a Hippo

Hello Ludo!

What are you two doing in there!?

Ludo!

Sleeping babies

Wool...

Wool...

Oh yeah and spinning wool!

Ughhhh

So wisdom teeth removal went well. I spent the whole day afterward Friday taking drugs, sleeping and with bags of frozen peas on either side of my face. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be but it still was no cakewalk either. Carter was awesome in taking care of me for the day. I owe him big time!

I didn't feel too bad Saturday so I actually went to the Southern Maryland Celtic Festival. I had a lot of friends going that I really wanted to see. So I bucked it up took some Advil and headed out. Amy was working and Rob didn't want to go by himself for that long ride so he swung by and picked me up and off we went. It was fun I'm glad I was up to going. I was hurting when I got home though. So a perc and a heat pack and I was out!

Yesterday was a chill day. I figured I got out on Saturday and enjoyed the sun a bit so I stayed in on Sunday. Spent some time with the kids and watched some TV. Got their cage cleaned up as well. Did a bit of spinning, I love my wheel. The wool I am spinning right now is more of the free cycle wool Mia got but this is the lighter wool. I have finished one skein already and it is sooo pretty!

Today...Ugh! not feeling as good. I am pretty swollen and I can make out some bruising along the jaw line. I have been avoiding the drugs if possible. I didn't take one last night and I probably should have. I didn't sleep as well. I'm feeling it today. Very tired and sore. :-( But hey, it's done it's over with. Just need to recover then I can start treatment for the bottom braces. We are halfway there.

Hump day!

Ahh so what's new? Well the kiddies are doing ok. I think it is going to take a little longer than we first hoped but I have patients so we should be good. They have been with me at work the past two days. This morning they were VERY restless and I was worried I was going to have to take them home if they didn't settle. But eventually they did. We did a tent time with them when I got home last night and it went ok. Both came out and played a bit but then she went back in the cage and into the pouch. He stayed out and pounced around a bit. Jumped on my head twice. Kinda strange. He did take a nibble at my finger as well.

In other news dooms day is getting closer. Ugh! I am so nervous about these wisdom teeth coming out. I haven't been handling simple procedures to well this one is a major one. I'm sure the anxiety is not helping. So tomorrow we have the fitting for the crown and a temp. Then Friday morning is the wisdom. Ugh...

A Proper Pirate!

This is of course from Saturday as well. The gentleman who has all the birds does parrot rescue. He was telling me they had just done a 81 bird rescue in Rockville from a horrible scene. The guy was apparently trying to be a breeder. The situation in the house was very bad. A couple of birds were sadly lost in the rescue. He does take donations to help in the care of the animals. Here is his website for more information.

Wilson Parrot Foundation

Pirate Invasion 09

Pirate Trinity on brother TJ's boat

Pub sing

Mike and Amy

Maria and I

Maria and Andrew

Jessica

Amy Mike and Rob

So my first Pirate Invasion was a lot of fun! I got downtown pretty early with the kids and basically hung out people watching most of the morning. Friends started arriving and the drinking started! I actually stepped out for a bit to visit TJ on his boat for open house. Then like a responsible parent dropped the kids off at grandmas and went back into town to drink LOL! It was a good night all in all. Nice to see a lot of people who I only get to see every once in a while. Unfortunatly the night ended with a migraine...but what can you do!?

Our first tent time!

Fizzgig Fizzgig
Fizzgig in the pouch Ludo hanging

See Ludo's bald spot?

You can really see it here. That is a scent gland on his head.

The kids and I had our first tent time tonight. It was fun, I waited forever for them to get their little butts up LOL. Of course tonight was the night they decided they were gonna sleep late! Once they were up and getting the sleepers out I managed to lure Ludo out with a piece of pineapple (I wish all men were that easy!). Once they were both out it was a matter of them exploring the tent and getting comfortable with it. They still kept their distance from me but had fun stretching the legs. Fizzgig my girl is the smart one. She figured out that the top of the tent was all screen and she could run around on it. All in all I think it went well. I did snap a few pictures but didn't want to scare them too much so I didn't go over the top :-)

Not a bad day

As long as I don't smile I don't look so bad! LOL

I am very excited about how clear my skin has been lately. I'm not really sure why, it is probably a combination of my eating habits and just paying more attention to the daily care. Or it could be the rain...my body may think we are in Ireland! My skin was amazing there for some reason :-) But all in all...don't look to bad today!

sighhh

So much going on my brain is being pulled several directions. First my most happy thought is today makes three days I have been a sugar momma. They are already such a joy and we are not even bonded yet. I made them a new little pouch and they moved right in! They love it. Thank god because that pouch they were in needed to be washed so bad! I think they are getting more comfortable because they are starting to sleep later. I am taking baby steps. I have been carrying a piece of fleece against my skin and putting it in the cage in the morning for them to have to snuggle to. I have held the pouch a few times and just rubbed them through it. She is still crabbing a bit at me but is slowly getting quiet. I did get a tent we may try some tent time tomorrow :-) it jusssstttt fits in my living room! So I no longer have a living room but a campsite!

Then there is the braces. The pain is gone for now. I know that will be back when they tighten them again. I can tell already things are shifting. They suck, everything I eat gets stuck in them. I have this wonderful little brush that kind of looks like a miniature toilet brush that is my new best friend. There is a little bitterness in me as I went into this with a guy who thought they were sexy and couldn't wait till I got them. Now I'm going at this alone. I do feel like such a dork. Everyone says they look fine and that I look ten years younger. Some have even said they are sexy. I don't see it!

Ladies and Gents....Fizzgig and Ludo :-)

My boy Ludo

My girl Fizzgig :-)

And both of the kids :-)

And so the begining of the end of my social life!

No more pictures please!

So many thoughts...

One last look at that smile I have hated for years!

Today is a big day as I took a look in the glass. This is the last time I will look at those vampire teeth without a chunk of metal on them. I'm excited, scared, happy and yet sad all at once. A flood of emotions suddenly came over me. And as I have done so many times over the past few weeks I proceeded to have a good cry. I really am excited about this but at the same time I know it will change the way new people see me while the braces are on. Am I going to be able to handle that?

Also on my mind is my bundles of joy on the way! Am I gonna be a good momma?! That's a lot of work am I ready for this? I hope so the decision has been made no turning back now!

And of coarse there are other things on my mind which don't need to be mentioned...anyone who actually reads this already knows...

Psssttttt.....

I'm gonna be a momma!

Details to follow :-)

Baby steps LOL...

Ok enough depressing crap, I am going to try and be smiley...ok maybe not smiley but at least not bitchy. Today in the end was a good day. I had a brief breakdown but for some reason feel better now. I have no idea why but I was up at 9:00 this morning and could not fall back asleep. So I decided to get up and do something useful.

Last night I started a long process of extracting Indigo dye from the Woad weed. For more on this adventure check out my other blog Knit Wit Knitters. I also decided to sit down and make up a few more stitch markets to post on Etsy. I actually made 4 more sets and posted them. If you want to see those there is a link to my Etsy store on the knitting blog as well :-)

I then decided it is nice out lets get Mindy and I out of the house for a but. I showered up to try and feel human...got Mindy into the carrier and with knitting in tow headed into Old Town. It was as if I could smell the wool. No not knitting wool...Kilts! They were having an early celebration of National Tartan day which is Monday. Wall to wall Kilts and bagpipes. This is where Mindy reminded me she is my daughter. In the middle of all this she decided to let out a LOUD cat call. Everyone turned and laughed, of coarse I did to then Mindy. It was pretty funny. Takes after her mother, loves men in kilt. So Mindy and I found a spot on the ground and she sat in my lap singing and dancing to the music while I knit. It was nice.

Back home I remembered I left the house a mess so decided to straighten up and did a bit more knitting. I also decided my pictures on my computer were all over the place so I have done a bit of organizing and purging. Made a fantastic dinner now I will probably read for a little and hopefully get some sleep! Tomorrow is another day :-)

BTW: We have Basil, Dill, Coriander, and Chives coming up :-)

I'm trying...

I am trying so hard to let go. I'm trying so hard not to be hateful in general. It just hurts, I feel like with the exception of 4 small months of happiness I have just had a year of sorrow and pain. I just don't understand it. I'm so tired of being hurt. And do they even care. Do they care at all what they have done. I can't sleep. I have so much hatred in me right now and I know I take it out on people who don't deserve it. I cry everyday at least once if not twice. I keep thinking I hear my phone going off and it's not. I finally turned it off last night so I would know for sure. I'm sorry for venting all of this here for the few people that read it. I keep hoping the venting will help. So far no dice...

Why? How? Anyone?

Why?: is it that people will stay with people who treat them like shit when there are good people out there like my brother and I? I am totally feeling his pain right now.

Why?: is it that people lie to you and say they want one thing but really don't know what the hell they want?

How?: is it that people can be so in love with you and turn that off like a light?

Someone? Anyone? Because unless there is a DAMN good reason from anyone I think my hopes are down the toilet. Because I am SICK of guys who tell you one thing but mean another, are hung up on worthless peice of crap woman, and don't seem to know a good thing when they have it! And use the excuse you are a good person I just don't know what I want right now! F the lot of you!!! To ell you the truth I would not know a good thing at this poing because I would chew him up and spit him out as pissed off as I am with the male race at this point! I am a good person dammit and I'm tired of being trampled on!!!!

Spin therapy

It is a good thing I have calming hobbies to keep me company, ease my mind and create beautiful things. With everything I have had going on in my life, hell for the past year, I have found great comfort in my knitting and spinning. I love to sit on my bar stools and use the drop spindles. It's nice to have that extra little bit of distance for the spindle to go. Next step is dyeing. I picked up some Woad that someone was giving away last night! So I am going to try and get everything I need to harvest the Indigo and give it a whorl this weekend. Should be interesting...

I am trying SO hard I really am! I am trying to be happy for all of my friends getting married, having kids, being generally happy in their relationships (blah, blah, blah). But there is a small part of me that says f-off with your happiness LOL! I'm just so sick and tired of it. I am happy for everyone and I have to say when I am happy I do it too...it just hurts to see everyone else trucking right along in life and all I seem to hit are speed bumps.

I started reading another book and god only knows why I picked this one! I started reading "P.S I love you". I have not seen the movie and have no desire to till I read the book. Lets just say I cried through about two chapters last night. Ugh!

Give it a whorl...

So I sat down at the wheel for the first time last night. I'm glad I picked up a visual how to book with a section on trouble shooting. That was a big help. I understand the basic concept now it is just a matter of perfecting it. I will say I think it helped having used a drop spindle first. As you can see in the picture it doesn't look so bad, but I do need to work on tension a bit.

So I took my first dance class in a long time and boy I am A: out of shape and B: Out of practice! I have a lot I need to work on. But I did have a good time and that is very important. Of course my arms were killing me by the end of the class so I did not last to long on the wheel LOL!

Weekend in review....

My weekend was ok. I had told Ashley she could use my apartment for the weekend as she had friends coming in from out of town for her birthday. So I headed p to mom and dad’s for the weekend. Things were great until my computer decided to go blue screen of death Friday night! Ugh! Just what I need. I am about to fork out a ton of money on these braces and the computer decides it wants to have a fit. So dad worked on that all weekend for me and still has it. Fortunately I have my new spinning wheel to keep me company otherwise I would probably go crazy not having my computer this week. Hopefully we can fix the issue and I will not have to get a new one.

Saturday I danced the Moroccan dinner that I do every year. This is the fourth year I have danced this party and I also danced the hosts birthday. They are a fun group. I love hearing that my craft is improving every year. I have to say it felt good, I do miss dancing. But I am very well aware that with the braces coming on I will probably not be able to get any gigs for a while. Which is fine, it gives me time to practice and work on getting even better. I am going to start taking a class with a friend of mine in the area. Just to have something keeping me moving and dancing. It is on a Monday night too which is nice. Wafaa in my office is going to take it with me so it should be fun.

Friday night I had dinner with mom, dad, TJ and his friend Jo. As we were talking I was telling them about my new wheel and how much I am enjoying spinning. Jo does volunteer work at both the Baltimore Zoo and a rehab facility. It just so happens they have sheep and alpacas at the rehab facility. Apparently last year they had a hard time finding anyone who wanted the wool!? Guess what?! I told her I will take it ALL! So hopefully I will be getting some nice FREE wool in the near future. I am really excited about that.

Uhhh this weekend was a bit hard on other fronts. I’m back to hating seeing couples, specifically hold hands. And for some reason Baltimore contains a large amount of heavily tattooed people(???). Which of course led me to think of Dale, which leads to all sorts of feelings. This has really hurt. I just can’t understand how someone can go from being so in love with you to turning it totally off. I mean all day long messages “I miss you, I love you, Are you my girl?, When asked can I keep him getting a yes.” I just don’t understand. It just leads me to think I need to question anytime anyone tells me they love me and miss me. Was it all a lie? How will I know when it is for real? How do you just turn those feelings off? I mean in truth there is a part of me that still loves Paul and Steve. These are two people that I shared a lot of memories with. They will always have a special place in my heart despite how they ended. So I can’t understand how someone who seemed so genuinely in love with me could just turn those feelings off like a light. Sighhh……

New stuff

Finally I get to try my hand at spinning on a wheel. Not that I don't love drop spindles, I just want to give this a whorl too. Thank you Ashley!
So now that the Domestic Diva is cooking, the wool has to come out of the freezer! I found this on Craigs list. It is a cedar chest. In decent shape could use a little love but dad and I will work on that. Nice father daughter project. As long as it keeps my wool safe I am happy!
Trinity Casino is officially open! Mom loves Vegas, so when she saw this at some trade show or convention or what ever it was she had to have it! Now that she is over it, I have it! LOL How many people can say they have a fully functional slot machine in their house?!
This is not new LOL. My Mindy girl. This is her "Mom I'm trying to sleep stop taking pictures of me" look. :-)

So what else is new...hmm. I got my spacers today on the top teeth. Basically all it is is a set of rubber bands stuck between the back molars. The purpose is to create room for the brackets for the braces. They basically just feel like something is stuck in you teeth. Kind of weird.

Lets see...the toe feels better. I can pretty much walk on it normally but I am not pushing it. It is still very bruised. But I think I will live and should be ok to dance this private party Saturday.

Not a whole lot else going on. Still dealing with a lot personally. As I said in a post a while back my life seems to always be wrong place wrong time. In this case it was wrong time. In order to allow for time to heal wounds I have decided it best to cut ties for now. Best for him and best for me. Until he figures out what he wants he does not need me there to influence his decision either way. It's not like I'm going anywhere anyway and again with the braces coming I will be a complete dork and I would not date me. So he wants his space he's got it. I don't want to linger in dark shadows.

Oooowwwwwww!

Ouch! So mom is going to tag along for the trip down to help me with the cedar chest. Which meant crap must clean! So as I was frantically trying to get the apartment straightened up for the impending critic. I was putting dishes away when the bottom drawer (fortunately housing only Tupperware) came off the track and dropped on my big toe! Smack dab in the middle of the nail. Instantly turned purple and proceeded to throb badly! I sat on the floor with a dish towel and ice and cried like a two year old. It hurts so bad. I don't think anything is broken just very badly bruised.

OOOOOOOOOOwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Domestic Diva

Since few things are stable in my life at the moment, I am really trying to focus on this healthy eating. If I have at least one thing to really focus on it seems to help keep my mind off of other things. I went shopping last night and got tons of healthy yummy food. Problem is I got home and went to put it in my freezer and there was too much wool in the freezer! LOL Why you ask? Well for the non-knitters it is the one place you can store the good wool and know it is safe from moths and other fiber loving critters. I have some nice wool I picked up in Ireland and I did not want to take any chances.

So now I am faced with the dilemma of where to put the wool! I do have a small and I mean small cedar chest which was donated to my cause by my friend and manager at the local cigar shop. But it is due time I get a nice sized cedar chest to store a few linens and all the GOOD wool. So I have found a lovely little chest on craigslist and will hopefully with the help of my loving daddy be picking up tomorrow! Along with a spinning wheel that I purchased from my friend Ashley.

Also in my domestic diva frame of mind, I made a little stop at Home Depot. I had a lot of success with growing herbs a little while ago but as I was not cooking they kind of went by the wayside. So I picked up a little bag of potting soil and some herb seeds to get that going again. I really do love my plants. It makes me feel good for some reason. Guess it is that need in me to be taking care of something. All of the plants that my mom gave me when I moved in are actually doing VERY well. So hopefully in due time I will have some nice fresh herbs to use and dry. I also picked up lavender which dried is also great for keeping out the moths :-)!

Pictures of all of the above to follow soon!

Blah...

Ugh I am so tired. In all fairness I have just had a lot going on lately. I was late getting back from New York Monday, then a lengthily physically and emotionally draining call Tuesday night. Sleep has not been great lately. It's probably not helping that I have a lot on my mind at the moment. My little New York trip was great for a small break, but the underlying issues were still there when I got back.

I went to the Endodontist today. I hate having to do all of these consultations. Well this one the most. I had to waist time out of my work day just to go to them for them to tell me that I need a root canal. Well duh!!! It just seamed like a waste, why could they not just make the appointment and start it and deal with it then? Oh well, so now we are scheduled for the root canal on April 9th. I'm just gonna take the day off because they are putting the top braces on that morning and the root canal in the afternoon. Ugh! So now I am just waiting on the referral for the wisdom teeth to come out. I need a assistant to keep track of all of these appointments for me!

On top of all that I am still dealing with a lot of personal stress. I think that is more draining than anything. But I think Tuesdays call got a lot out in the open and hopefully it will have positive results.

New York and other news...

So New York was a lot of fun. I was able to meet up with my friend Peter who was visiting from Ireland and got to see a lot of things on my check list. I went to Tiffany's, Central Park, Time square by day and night, saw Chicago on Broadway, went to the Pogues concert, FAO Swatrz, Rockefeller Center, and the Lionbrand Wool Studio. I stayed at a great little hostel that was close to everything. It was awesome. Great city on the weekends but all the crabby workers come out of their shells on Monday ugh. But all in all great time I'm gonna try and do it again at some point.

Tiffany's in all her glory. No one told me it was 6 floors! And yes Stacy did take a little blue bag home ;-)

Me and time square at night.
Hanging out the Hibernia pub. I know what you are thinking and no. Still drink free, yes I spent the weekend in NY and still managed to not drink a drop and have a blast!
Me and time square again

My friend Peter and I

The Pogues!!! Awesome time!

My hostel dorm. I got top bunk :-)

Time square by day

I managed to get a bit of knitting done on the bus.

And it all stated at Cosi in Arlington with a very sleepy Stacy.

In other news...

I got amazing news Monday. My orthodontist called and we went from 6 teeth to be pulled down to just the two wisdom teeth! I am so excited about that. What truly makes this good news is that all of the prep work needing done is on the bottom. The wisdom are on the bottom and the tooth needing the root canal is as well. Which means I have nothing I am waiting for to start the top ones! So next week I am getting the spacers on the top then the braces the following week! And so it begins....

I am really excited about all of this. Every picture I look at of me all I see are those horrible eye teeth sticking out. Everyone has something they hate about their image, for me it's my bad skin bags under the eyes and those teeth. I have been working very hard to get my skin under control so that is one thing off the list. And now I am working toward a beautiful smile :-). As for the eyes I think I'm stuck with them I would never go under the knife to get that fixed. Oh well...2 out of 3 ain't bad right?

Sonnet 26

When I got my new iTouch I went nuts downloading all the free applications. One of the applications was the complete works of William Shakespeare. Can you believe that? Free! It is actually very sad. I have enjoyed reading random sonnets here and there. I found Sonnet 26 awhile back and it seemed to have been written for me. I pretty much reflects what is going on in my mind at the moment. I thought I would share it with you.

Lord of my love, to whom in vassalage
Thy merit hath my duty strongly knit,
To thee I send this written ambassage,
To witness duty, not to show my wit.
Duty so great, which wit so poor as mine
May make seem bare, in wanting words to show it,
But that I hope some good conceite of thine
In thy soul's thought, all naked, will bestow it;
Till whatsoever star that guides my moving
Points on me worthy of thy sweet respect.
Then may I dare to boast how I do love thee;
Till then, not show my head where thoust mayst prove me

William Shakespeare Sonnet 26

Does this say NY?

So to give me a little mind break I am going up to NY for the weekend. Never really been so why not! Do these glasses say I belong in NY or tourist trying too hard!?

So what I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves!

Orrrrrr maybe not. So I think I have hit a early midlife crisis. Last night I found myself needing this adorable pair of Dr. Martins (hey they were 50% off I got them for $42.00). I haven't really had Docs since I was a teenager. Well that's not true but I finally got rid of them before moving to Ireland. They were just too heavy to take. I remember how big it was to have docs when I was in high school I had the boots though awww they were so cool! Those things saw several HFS festivals and many more concerts. Yeah I was a wanna be punk! So I had to have these, as I tried them on they made me giggle so home they went with me.

A couple of weeks ago this appeared...my mother affectionately refers to it as a "Booger Catcher". Always wanted to pierce my nose. Paul would not let me do it. And I was really craving another tattoo but just dint have the cash for that now. So we added another hole to my head.

Are you still with me? Docs and piercings...

PHOTO REMOVED BECAUSE SOMEONE CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!!!!

I would love to say these are the fantastic teeth of a redneck hillbilly...but sad to say those are mine. Parents use this picture to scare your teenagers! The good news is they will not be this way for long. At the fantastic age of 28 I am getting braces. Finally! Just have to pull six teeth then we will be ready to go.

So we have Docs, piercings AND braces...

PHOTO REMOVED BECAUSE SOMEONE CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!!!!

Do you ever stand at the mirror and try to make the worst face possible just to see how bad you can look? I do, this isn't it I can do much better. But for arguments sake we will go with this picture. Not very attractive is it. For everone who admires the hot little bellydancer, I am so sorry to burst your bubble!

Here starts my random ramblings feel free to tune out...

What the hell is going on! 28 not 18...why am I suddenly feeling the need for braces and to feel and look young again. I'm too young to feel like this. Oh wait...I know what it is. Something to blame your marital status on. Don't you hate that? I hate filling out forms and having to answer my marital status. Yup....28...yup...still single......yeeeaahhhh. In lite of my resent situation I am left puzzled yet again. Twice in one year I have been told you are a good person but I just don't know what I want right now. This is not BS I am a good person. And it took a long time for me to realize that. I'm far from perfect I know that but for the most part I am doing pretty darn good for my age. And unlike most people my age I don't want to be single. I want to settle down and start a family.

So what the hell is wrong? Ugh. Truth is I have no idea this time. I will say this it has left me feeling that my hope is dwindling. I know everyone says your young your crazy you will find someone. But the truth is I already found someone. He just hasn't found me yet(you know who you are don't squint your eyes at me). I'm tired of looking and I'm tired of a big empty hole in my heart. Twice this year it has been crushed. Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all", clearly never loved and lost. It hurts like hell. Especially when there is no logical answer or reason as to why. Am I really TOO good of a person? Do I just care TOO much?

So back to early mid-life crisis and marital status. Since I am about to go into braces I think it is pretty safe to say I will be full blown polish dork. Not the most attractive state to be on the hunt. Lets say I will be in the braces for two years. By the time they come off I will be 30. They say everything goes to hell when you turn 30. At least Ill have a pretty smile! In conclusion I already have someone, I don't want anymore heartache at this point. I'm giving myself till the braces come off, then I will worry about turning 21. :-)

Here is hoping that long before then that guy (you know who you are) I found who still needs to find me will realize he has had me all along all he needs to do is look right in front of him. At the wanna be rock star with the hot braces, nose piercing and sweet doc martins. Yeahhh that paints a sexy picture doesn't it! LOL